member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
