Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
