Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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