YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
