so that wasnt chicken after all
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
