I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
