did you get engaged???
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
