drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
this is an emotional support booty call
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
