Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
