i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
