I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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