smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
