i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
