so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
