Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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