We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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