so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
