I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
