The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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