She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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