Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She needs sedatives and a leash
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
