Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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