I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
