Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
