i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
