im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
then he tried to convert me to islam
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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