he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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