I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
