forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
