Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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