My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
