I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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