No stitches, just platelets and will power
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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