so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Everclear isn't food dammit
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
