So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
