note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
