Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
