It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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