Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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