Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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