i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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