I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
