Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
