also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
operation have a gay friend backfired
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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