TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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