You work out of a Hotel?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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