I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
