Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
