i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
