I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
