Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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