Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
