on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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