I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
