His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
