My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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